confontation1We all have been in a situation where we can feel when an argument is right around the corner. When dealing with friends, families, and even co-workers you normally have good relationships with, each encounter with them don’t always go as planned. The quote (paraphrased) that says, “People listen to reply, instead of listen to understand,” is absolutely true. We as people are quick to respond as a defense mechanism. We do not like to be criticized or told what to do or what we need to be doing. This is why our response, automatically, has an undertone of madness.

 

If we want to live a more positive and confrontation-free life, we must give ourselves a personal reality check. Reality checks can help you handle situations in a different manner. It can improve your relationships with others and give you the opportunity to make things better. Recently, I came across some useful information on how to diffuse difficult situations. Life coach and author, Tony Robbins, offered some great tips on how to incorporate these things into your daily life.

 

Review the following tips and be on your way to handling confrontational situations more positively.

 

1. Ask yourself, “Am I willing to do something now to change this or make it better?”

2. What meaning have I linked to this in order to be upset?

3. Could there be a misinterpretation or a misperception? Do I have all possible information necessary to know exactly what this means?

4. What else could this mean? (Come up with the same number of meanings as you answered in question number 2, i.e., for every negative meaning you linked before, come up with a positive meaning now.)

5. What do I need in order to feel good now? Do I need to: a) change my perception?, b) get more information?, c) understand someone else’s view?, d) know the other person cares?, e) change the way we’re doing something?, f) get a commitment?, g) apologize?, h) remember who this person really is and how much I really care?, i) how can I communicate my needs in a way that empowers my relationship with this person?, j) what’s great about this?

 

The goal is to NOT get upset.  Instead of waiting on the other person to apologize, there’s nothing wrong with you being the bigger person. It is up to you  take control of your life. If you choose to confront confrontations by arguing or being upset, then be prepared to live in misery. Harboring onto negativity will only bring you down. Try your best to listen, think about the situation, evaluate it, and think about what you are going to say before you say it. Don’t jump the gun before fully understanding the entire situation.

 

 

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